I’m still grieving you after almost a year of your departure.

You broke my heart harder than any lover ever did.

My blood boils everytime I think about the way you left me, without saying a word. We were sisters you know.

My heart breaks everytime I remember you broke the promise you made. You promised you were never going to leave me. I still remember that day, I took your word for it, you knew how much it meant to me. I believed you.

I wish I could say I have cried about this, but I’ve never shredded a tear. I think it’s because the things that cut us the deepest are hard to let out. We hang on to them, we let them rot us on the inside and hold on to the pain it causes, because somehow it keeps the memory alive.

It is frustrating when all the things we talked about didn’t matter at the end, they were just words made of air for you. It was very painful to see your true colors. Specially because it was all for a boy and I was the scapegoat.

I love you to death and it still hurts, but I don’t want you in my life anymore. I can’t trust you, and I admit it hurts to see how you’ve moved on, how it has been easier for you.

New friends, new experiences, new life.

Specially one without me.

It is so painful to know you probably talk about me with your new friends, and not in a good way. The same way you used to vent with me about friendships of your past life. This is the reason why when you came back I didn’t want you in my life anymore. I don’t trust you.

I lost so much with your departure: friends in common, joy in our memories, belief, a sister, a mom and the chance of letting myself getting close again to a friend in the future.

I hope someday, I will hear your name again and I will feel nothing, it won’t matter anymore. I won’t long for what we used to have, and more importantly I won’t be angry anymore.